“‘Bees are to hives as neurons are to brains,’ says Jeffrey Schall, a neuroscientist at Vanderbilt University. Neurons use some of the same tricks honeybees use to come to decisions. A single visual neuron is like a single scout” (Zimmer). This visual is actually very powerful. Think of the hive as a brain. Our brains function all day every day until the day we die. Now if we think of a hive and the brain being the same or similar that is a marvelous feat for the hive. The hive is now a self-running system that is nearly flawless in all its ways.
I felt like this was one of the most important quotes in the essay because it kind of tied all my ideas together. The main focus was of building a connection and this comparison between a brain and the system was a very strong comparison. The one thing that I really need to work on is transitions. I have transitions but they are not powerful and sound forced. I also am going to challenge myself to be more descriptive. The two texts that I would use for my second essay are “The Art of Failure” by Malcolm Gladwell and “How I Hacked My Brain with Adderall: A Cautionary Tale” by Trent Wolbe. I chose these because they deal with having a specific focus or lack of focus. I can use the first essay as a counterclaim or just further support for my original claim, which was a need for a central focus. The text I would use from essay one would be "The Secret Life of Bees" by Carl Zimmer. This is because that is the main focus of my moment of exhilaration.
you seem to know what you're doing but to help you with transitioning you can try to weave in your quotes to your sentences so they don't feel like a quote. This can help you transition quickly and effectively between ideas and texts. the repetition of ideas and texts throughout your essay will help the reader and in turn help your essay overall. careful not to repeat too much so it doesn't become boring
ReplyDeleteI think the ideas you have going on for your second essay are pretty strong. You identified some key concepts you want to first fix within your essay that will prove to build a strong foundation for your next essay. As soon as you blend in the perfect incorporation of the primary text (The Secret Life of Bees), your secondary texts we've seen in class, and your personal testimony, you'll have a great essay!
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