This may sound basic, but Young-Jin Park’s essay has a very
sophisticated tone. It has words that bring it above the high school level as
well as it being very structured. Most high school teachers tell their students
not to use I, however this example shows that as long as your essay is written
skillfully, it does not matter if you use the word “I.” I like how smooth the
transition was from writing about himself, the work, and then back to himself.
Park seamlessly works in quotes and weaves them into the sentence. An example
of this is “he notes, was the day he ‘moved very far from being the
disadvantaged child [he] had been only days earlier’ (506).” If I had been
listening to this sentence I would have never figured out that there was a
quote there. Park also paraphrases a quote and does so again very smoothly.
Reading this essay gives me a clearer example of what kind of essays are needed
for New York University. This also clarifies why Nolan told us we were not
getting A’s in our class. The writing is not difficult to think up, but only
works well if it is artistically put together. There needs to be a flow and if
this flow is disrupted at any point, the entire essay can be thrown off. This
is one aspect that I struggled with in high school. I was not the best writer
and after reading something like this, my point is only made stronger. I have a
long way to go but hopefully this class prepares me to reach that final goal.
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